Need You Here
by Aviadri Cameron
Summary: Starts in the beginning of Mockingjay. Katniss is depressed with the thought of Peeta in the Capitol. Katniss will do What ever it takes to get him back. Even though she hasn't fully understood how she feels towards Peeta, she knows she cares about him. Katniss is also desperate to keep something a secret from the others, a certain someone created by a certain star-crossed lovers.
1. Chapter 1

Run

Hide

Cry

Hide

Run

Cry

Run

Run

Run

Cry

That's all I seem to do now. I repeatedly run, I hide in the places that I hope they'll never find me and do the only thing I can think of, cry. The hot, clear liquid seeping from my eyes, staining the dull clothes that I wear. When it gets late, I know they'll go searching for me, and I don't want that. It's not that I feel guilty for making them worry, I just don't want that attention they give me and just for once just leave me alone.

I've lost it. I've lost the will to live. I'm not stupid, I know I should wake up and take care of myself for _it_ but it's just too painful. The only reason I'm still alive and haven't tried to kill myself is because of him-because of Peeta. If I just knew for sure that he was dead, I'd be able to die right here and now but the problem is I don't. Before I know for sure how he is I'm stuck here, undead yet unliving. If he is in fact still alive, I will not hesitate to do whatever it is within my power to get him back from the source of all pain and suffering, Snow.

When I first heard that the rebels weren't able to rescue Peeta when the force field blew up, I was stiff. At first I was just numbed by the shock but as the numbness slowly faded, I felt devastated, betrayed, enraged, but mostly hollow. Devastated for Peete, betrayed by Haymitch, enraged at the rebels that I was once again played as a piece in someone's games. What shocked me the most was the hollowness, I'm so used to having Peeta that not having him made feel so empty. Even though I still don't know exactly how I feel about Peeta but I do know that I do actually love him to some extent. I might not know if I'm _In_ love with him but I do know that I do care deeply for him. He is my friend, the one who has numerously saved my life and I will do anything to keep him safe.

When it reaches what I estimate to be a little past ten at night, I slowly walk to the compartment I share with my mother and Prim. I look at the clock on the wall and it is 10:15- Bathing. The people in 13 are too organized for my liking. I mean who forces people to get stamped with a schedule on their wrists each and every day that tells you when exactly to eat, sleep, and even bathe? I look at the person staring at me in the mirror, no wonder people don't get near me. I'm a mess, a walking zombie, when I look at my void like eyes, the only word I can sum up is depression. Mother and Prim will be working late tonight at the hospital, maybe even working till dawn. Even though I haven't bathed since yesterday, I go straight for the bed, not having the will to clean myself.

I'm woken up a few minutes later due to an unspeakable nightmare about helplessly watching Peeta get ripped apart by razor sharp claws. I start hyperventilating. _No Katniss, they weren't real, it was just a dream. _Just Peeta's voice in my head helps to calm me a little but then as if I just realized that he's not here, I sob uncontrollably. After the sobbing resides and completely dies out, I fish the pearl Peeta gave me from the drawer beside my bed and hold it like a lifeline.

An hour of twisting and tossing later, I finally accept that it's going to be another sleepless night. I stare at the ceiling, enjoying just the little comfort the two pieces of Peeta I have left could give. As my right palm slowly roles the pearl and my left softly caressing the spot at my lower abdomen where a piece of Peeta lives, I know I can get through this night.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Still alive.

He's still alive.

Peeta…

I search his eyes for any signs of torture but he actually seems healthier then when he was in the arena. I get lost in those blue eyes, my hands reaching for his face but only find the coldness of the screen. _It's enough, _just seeing him alive is enough even if it is just from a television screen. My hands slide down the screen and one of them unconsciously reaches for my abdomen. _No, don't let them know, don't lead them on_, so I force my arm to my side and just keep staring at the screen.

Peeta is calling for a cease-fire. The word traitor is heard from the crowd behind me. In a way, maybe he is but I'm too focused on him to even acknowledge the murmurs. "Would you like to say anything to Katniss, Peeta?" ask Caesar. "Yes. Katniss, just think. Is this really what you want? Do you really trust the people you're with? If not. Find out. I just want to say that I'm okay, that I miss you so much, that I want you to take care of yourself, if not for you then do it for the baby, that is if you.. if you haven't.. if it's not already…." _dead._ That's all he can manage before the tears start running down his face.

_Does he know? No, he couldn't._ I just found out four weeks ago. It had been the first week that I'd been in 13 and I'd noticed that I was late and I kept puking my guts out every morning. I didn't need a test to confirm it, my body just knew that something was growing inside of it. It's been a month and a half since the incident at the roof of the training centre, where I gave in because I knew I was going to die anyway. No one knows about the baby but me, so how could Peeta even know. He's just trying to play with the people's sympathy again I think. People would be wondering why he hasn't talked about the baby anyway. _Oh Peeta, if only you knew how true your lie was._

With his last words, the guards escort him to a place that every fibre of my being so desperately wants to know and the screen goes dark again. Before anyone has the time to react, I'm dashing out of Command as fast as I can while still being careful enough. Somehow, Peeta's request to take care of myself for the baby has influenced me a little. I find the supply closet and hide in its tiny space. I cry my eyes out while gently stroking the spot where my baby lives. _Don't worry baby, daddy is still alive._ Thank you Peeta, for still being alive.

Peeta might still be alive now but nothing is certain. Snow wouldn't hesitate to kill Peeta. Even if the rebels win the war, what would happen then when all the traitors are to be punished? No, I must do something to save him, anything. What is it that I need to do. I know a cease-fire is not an option. Even if we did surrender, we could count on that the 76th Hunger Games would be the most unforgettable Games ever.

There's only one thing I can do to save him. I- Katnss Everdeen, will have to be the Mockingjay. When I weigh the few options that I have, I know that it is the only way to save Peeta but there is only one problem. If I become the Mockingjay and be the face of the rebellion, how can I be positive that the life of my unborn baby will be ensured? I could easily ask for _his_ immunity but no so much for the might as well be the hardest choice I will ever do in my life.

I think about Peeta, how he would feel knowing that our child died because of the need to save him. I think of the grief that he would feel upon the death of our child. The child inside of me has done absolutely nothing wrong to me, it's innocent. Would I really be okay with murdering my own child, taking a life away? I know I wouldn't be specifically murdering it but I would always think that it was because of the choice that _I _made.

Just as I am about to make up my mind, I think of how Peeta deserves more than this. There is so much in his future. Even if I die in this war, Peeta could easily get a woman far more beautiful and far more worthy of him than me. He could get the family he always wanted and live a happy life, he could even get more children. The thought of Peeta having children with someone else hurts more than I thought it would but I know this is what's right.

If I'm careful enough, our baby will still have the slim hope of surviving the war. I'm not saying that I'm not going to protect my child but if it dies or if I die killing it with me, I know one thing for sure. Peeta still doesn't know about his child, so what he doesn't know, won't hurt him, just me. My choice is final.

I _will _be the Mockingjay.

**(Thanks sooooo much for reading. Sorry it's short -**_**Adri**_**)**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter is dedicated to all you good folks out there. I'll try to make all the following chapters longer than the first two chapters. THANKS FOR READING, KEEP READING :D**

Chapter 3

Boom…

Scared…

Booom…

Awful…

Boooom…

It feels like a piece of my mind is slowly slipping with each sound of the bombs. Just when I think it's finally stopped, another wave of bombs come. However, the feelings that I feel with the bombs can in no way compete with the feelings I had felt watching Peeta on the television screen just a few hours ago.

He looked so different, so lost. He seemed to have lost fifteen pounds and he had developed a nervous tremor in his hands. He was still groomed to the point of looking decent yet no amount of grooming could ever hide the bags under his eyes or the pain that he feels even from a slight movement. But the look in his eyes- angry yet unfocused- frightened and concerned me.

He was again asking for a cease-fire, rambling on about the destructions it resulted into. But when he said "and Katniss, you in 13… Dead by morning", all hell broke loose. All the people in Command were instantly talking about all the possibilities, what was behind his words, _dead by morning_. The camera fell to the ground and I just so happened to witness the sight of the once white tiles no longer spotless, splattered by Peetas blood.

I don't feel right, me being safe while Peeta might be being tortured or even dead at this moment. Yet here I am, perfectly safe in a bunker in 13, probably hundreds maybe thousands of feet underground. I sit on the mattress on the floor. After the drama with Prim and that stupid old cat, everything is relatively calm now, well as calm as a bombing could get.

I'm alone in our compartment. Prim and mother are working the night shifts taking care of the patients. As I sit comfortably on the mattress on the floor, my right arm strokes and trace random patterns on my belly, a habit I've managed to get when I'm anxious or stressed. I remember the thick red liquid on the floor when I last saw Peeta. Is he dead? God please don't let him be dead.

About a week and a half ago, I accepted the role of Mockingjay and made the immunity of his and the other victors lives into one of the conditions of being there Mockingjay. What use is it now if he is dead? I want so badly to know how he is at this very moment. I'm so scared for his life. His eyes looked so insane, what is snow doing to him?

The silence, the stuffiness of the room suddenly becomes so unbearable. I feel like a bird, trapped in a locked cage. The compartment feels like a cell, suffocating me. Overcome with the sudden feeling of nausea, I run to the toilet as fast as I can. I retch and vomit out the already few contents of my stomach. This has been going on for the past six weeks now and so far I'm hating it. Thankfully, Prim and my mother are practically never home so I haven't been caught, _yet_.

This isn't working; I need to get out of this room. I force myself to stand up when I feel like I've finished vomiting and go to the sink. I rinse my mouth and brush my teeth for good measures as well. I fix myself to what I judge to be a least presentable and head out. Where? I don't know exactly.

I wonder around aimlessly for about three minutes and am surprised when my feet take me to someone's compartment. Someone that I've just realized might have once been or maybe is in the same situation as I am right now- Finnick.

I knock on the door once and wait, _nothing happens_. I knock on the door a few more times yet still no answer. Just when I think he's asleep and think of leaving, the door opens a bit to reveal an awful looking Finnick.

When I looked into his eyes, I saw my own sorrow reflected on his face. He has changed a lot, from the happy victor I met in the Quell to just a broken shell of a man. It's hard to imagine that he was the one that suggested we made fun of Peeta in the Quell, putting our faces as close to his and waking him up, startling him.

"Oh, hey Katniss. What brings you here?" he asks.

"Nothing, can I come in? or am I disturbing you?". "No, not at all. Come on in, I wasn't even doing anything".

He opens the door wider and gestures for me to come in. his compartment is an exact replica of mine but without any bunks on the walls. Just a simple mattress splayed on the floor. That would be understandable seeming that he is the only one who's going to be living here.

He sits on one side of the mattress and pats on a spot in front of him as a sign for me to sit there. "What is it Katniss?" I struggle for words, not exactly knowing what I really wanted to say to him. An uncomfortable silence settles on us until I say "How do you bear it? The pain?." With that, his eyes turn softer.

"Katniss, don't you see me? Obviously I don't. I can't bear it same as you. The pain is too much". I don't answer back because I already knew that. I just needed something to say to him at the time. We fall silent again and when the awkwardness becomes unbearable I blurt out the question that has been eating at me all this time "Finnick, do you think he is dead? He might already be dead by now."

Suddenly silent tears flow down my face; this is so not like me. I hate it that my pregnancy hormones make it hard for me to be strong. "They won't kill him Katniss. Believe me." What? How can he be so sure? "Why wouldn't they?What makes you say that?".

"They're using him Katniss. Do you really think the Capitol took Annie because they thought she had useful rebel secrets? Of course not. They're using her to break me the same way they're using _him_ to break _you_." His words slowly seep into my mind.

At first I don't understand but then it strikes me like lighting. They wouldn't kill Peeta because if he died I'd be free to die as well or live for the baby, no torture inflicted what so ever. But if Peeta lives and is continuously being tortured by the Capitol, out of my reach, I would still be doing whatever it takes to save him. I would be in a state of mental depression and stress as long as he still wasn't safe, and that would eventually break me to the point of no return.

This new information threatens to choke me. The tears are still flowing freely and I've long given up on wiping them away. "I'm sorry Katniss." This is why Finnick is so different from the person he once was. The thought that his Annie is in the hands of the Capitol associated by the knowledge that she is being used is too much for him.

"But Katniss, don't break. It takes ten times the effort to piece you back together." He hands me the rope that he has been tying knots with the whole time I've been here. "Here, you can borrow my rope before we get you your own one tomorrow." I just nod in response. Tying knots with the rope somehow helps to distract me a little. Let's just hope it continues to distract me.

_Peeta, be safe. Wait just a little more. I'm coming for you._

**(Guess it's still short but at least it's longer than the first two right? Thanks for reading. You know, a review sounds pretty good don't you think? So please review -**_**Adri**_**)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it took so long. Busy with my public speaking. Now, enjoy...**

Chapter 4

Darkness

Despair

Peeta...

_No Katniss, don't break..._

I seem to spend most of my time with Finnick now. I caught Gale watching us with a weird look on his face the other day. He probably thinks that there's something going on between us but I'm already past caring. Finnick is the only other person who knows how I feel aside from Haymitch but I still haven't forgiven him for betraying Peeta and me. So he isn't much of an option.

The bombing still hasn't stop yet. We're still in the underground bunker. I've lost count on how many days has passed since the interview with Peeta. Oh, how I miss him. I know that if I stay in bed for another second, my mind will take me to all the unwanted thoughts and I get up and ready myself to go to the cafeteria of the bunker.

As I walk to the halls to the cafeteria, I realize how hungry I am. It hits me that I haven't eaten since yesterday morning and it's already past noon now. The baby must also be really hungry right now. A pang of guilt hits me for not caring for the child inside me of late and I quietly mutter a silent apology for it.

I reach the bunkers cafeteria after some time and immediately see a lone Finnick O'dair. There is practically no one here except for him and a few cafeteria attendants. Knowing District 13, they probably ate at twelve sharp and already finished seeming that it's already half past one. Finnick waves for me to come to him and I oblige to him by walking towards his direction.

"Feeling better Katniss?" he asks when I reach him. He says it with a smile that almost seems real, _almost_. I know how he is just as miserable as I am. I just sigh and try my hardest to muster a smile but I fail miserably and it comes out as a painful grimace. "Come on, let's eat" he says and we each grab a trey for ourselves. "What's for lunch?"

"Don't know but let's just hope that it's not as disgusting as the mashed potatoes the other night." I just keep silent, clearly not remembering the meal at all.

Today's lunch is hot grain and just plain clear water. The attendants just observe us and give us what I think was originally was supposed to be a sympathetic face as they scoop the grain on our food trays. The food might not appetizing at all but I'm too starved to even give a complaint. I'm just hoping that it stays down long enough for my body to get all the nutrients it needs.

We find a decent table and set down our food trays. We sit and finish our food in relative silence for the next couple of minutes. We then place our food trays in their designated exit the cafeteria and when I feel the vile coming up, I hurriedly mutter an excuse about needing to feed the cat to Finnick and practically sprint to my compartment.

Once there, I enter the bathroom and begin the phase of vomiting my guts out. The vile burns coming out of my mouth and I want so badly for this to end soon. After it was over, I flushed the toilet and went on to rinsing my mouth out. I feel so tired all of a sudden and resolve to just take a nap. My body tires so easily these days. It must be one of the effects of pregnancy.

Amazingly, when I wake up it's already morning. Prim is shaking me awake even though I already am. "Katniss, the bombs have finally stopped. We can go back to our compartment now!" Prim squeals gleefully at me.

The bombs have stopped and we can finally get out of this dreadful bunker.

* * *

We are assigned a new bunker because our old one had been destroyed during the bombing. Our new compartment is a few levels lower than our old one and is exactly the exact replica except this one has no window for Buttercup. I barely have time to observe our new compartment and to set the few belongings that we have when I'm summoned to Command.

When I arrive in Command, I can already see Finnick there."What do they want us to do now?" I say to him. "Not sure, I was just heading back to the hospital when some strangers whisked me here" The door opens and in comes Plutarch, Haymitch, Cressida and the others."We need you two to film some footage."

With that we are quickly suited and ushered aboveground in less than thirty minutes. I can't believe how much destruction the bombing caused. There's no more than just debris up here, everything is practically ruined. From afar, I can see hints of red on the ground. I walk towards it and find rose petals scattered everywhere. I fight to not puke right here and now.

I'm seated on a piece of marble floor of what once was District 13s' Justice Building. "Now Katniss, let us just try some Q and As, okay?" I nod in response. Cressida yells _action!_ And the red light on the camera that indicates were rolling is on.

"So Katniss, you've survived the bombing. How does it compare to what you experienced on the ground of District Eight?"."We were so far underground this time so there wasn't any real danger. Thirteen is alive and well and so am-" my voice cuts off in a dry, squeaking sound.

"Okay, just this one line and your done for today. I promise"."Thirteen is alive and so am-"No that's wrong. I swear I can still smell those roses. "Thirteen is alive and well and-" Oh God. How can I say this if everything that comes out of my stupid mouth will come right back at Peeta. I break down and begin crying. "What is wrong with her?" Plutarch asks and I hear Finnick say "She found out how Snow is using Peeta against her."

I'm surprised at myself when I reach out my hand to Haymitch before I know it. He engulfs me in a hug and I sob uncontrollably. He pats my back in a fatherly manner and it's not long before I feel the jab of the needle. During my state of unconsciousness, I dream of Peeta and his happy face but too soon the nightmares come and I find that I'm unable to wake.

I wonder why and vaguely remember the drugs they injected into me. I remember about the baby and I pray that nothing happens to it due to the drugs.

**(Thanks for reading. Again, sorry it took so long. Hope you enjoyed it. Please tell me what you think -**_**Adri)**_


	5. Chapter 5

**HEY! I'm awfully sorry for the delay in this chapter. Been very busy with exam week. Without further ado, I give you good people: chapter 5…**

Chapter 5

Stop…

Don't…

Peeta…

All I see is the blood dripping from the side of his throat. The sharp blade stained with the sickly liquid. Peeta's eyes are drained of light. The life inside him no longer visible. I look up and my brown eyes are met with ones that are snakelike, _Snow. _I'd say that I can smell the stench of blood coming from his mouth, but I can't. I can't because the only blood I can smell is Peeta's.

_He_ killed him. Peeta can't be dead. He just can't be dead, yet his body is lying lifelessly on the ground next to me. I run my hand through his hair, his wonderful blonde hair. I imagine the Peeta who would sacrifice anything for my happiness, the Peeta who never stopped loving me even after he found out that it was merely an act of survival. _Gone_.

The President is now standing in front of me. When I look up to face him, I find that he isn't staring at _me_ but rather at my small bump. _My baby_. My hands automatically go to my stomach as to protect my child and his expression turns into one that can only be described as pure evil.

He lunges towards me with the knife that he used to kill Peeta in hand and that, _is when I wake up_.

When I wake up. I'm sweaty and am soaked with my own sweat and tears. Haymitch is sitting on a chair beside me and has a worried expression on his face.

"What's wrong, sweetheart? I tried to wake you but you wouldn't wake up. You were trashing like crazy."

"Haymitch, where are we? Why are we here?" I ask.

"You broke down, remember? And they just sedated you so you could calm down. Finnick did to, just minutes after you did, by the way. So we carried both of you to the hospital." He says.

"How long have I been here?"

"A day and a half or so."

"That long?"

"Yup." He says.

Then suddenly his expression becomes uneasy and he looks a bit worried. I wonder why. I raise my eyebrows at him as to ask for an explanation upon his change of expression. He looks hesitant and unsure for a moment but then he finally gives in to my demand and says "Look Katniss, Coin has sent a few of our soldiers to rescue Peeta and the other victors. That's the only thing I know, but they don't have communication devices because were afraid of detection by the Capitol."

Hearing the words rescue and Peeta, made me forget where I was for a moment. "Rescue? When? Where? Why is it that only now are there sending a rescue party?" I ask a little too accusingly. "Look sweetheart. It was risky, it needed planning, so they didn't. But what use is it if you can't even function without the boy." He says.

I need to go, I need to help rescue Peeta. Haymitch is eyeing me suspiciously now. "Stop it sweetheart. Don't even think about it. The team already left an hour ago, okay? It was a voluntary mission and they didn't even let me go." How is it that he is able to know what I'm thinking about?

This is it. This is what will determine if Peeta comes home or not, and the worst part is that I'm not even doing anything to help. This is wrong, I need to help in some way. Any way. I can't just lie around this Hospital bed all day and wait. I can't be useless now. I just can't.

"Haymitch, I need to do something."

In the daze of everything happening, I'm surprised that I even remembered to check on Finnick. When I enter his hospital room, he is wide awake and busily tying knots with his rope. When he sees me, he abruptly stops and smiles a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

I take the seat beside his bed and say "Finnick, did you know that they sent a rescue party of soldiers to rescue the victors that were captured?" His expression is just how I expected it to be. Surprise, happiness, doubt, hope, and a few others mixed together forming the expression of a victor that has suffered enough and just wants his Annie back.

"When? We need to catch up with them. We need to go too." He says to me. "Can't. They already left an hour ago," I can see the obvious disappointment in his eyes "but we can help. If you want to. We can still help with the rescue mission even if we're not with them." I say. "Of course. I'd do anything to help". "Good, then let's get ourselves beautified first shall we?" Finnick instantly understands what I mean and we walk together in understanding.

Finnick and I have been groomed just enough to look decent for an hour now and were finally done. Before we know it, were back at the ruins of District Thirteen's Justice Building. I'm sitting in my mockingjay suit at the same spot I last had my breakdown and watch as the camera crew get everything ready. All I can think of is _this is going to be a long shoot…_

* * *

**Peeta's POV**

I'm shackled to a bed in the cell that has been holding me for God knows how long. I haven't eaten in days. At least I think it's days.

In front of me is a screen, large and bright. I don't know why it's there, nor do I know why they keep showing me the mutt. With razor sharp claws, fang like teeth, and wild evil eyes that seem to never stop staring at me. I've watched the mutt kill me in the screen countless times now. Every time, new torturing devices, new agony. Whatever the instrument is, in the end, I always end up dead. Sometimes the images are unbearable and sometimes they leave me screaming.

I know most of the images are not real because if they were, I'd be dead by now. But I do know that some of them are real. Like when the mutt tried to kill me and my friends by dumping a trackerjacker nest on us in the games. She is also the reason that I lost my leg and the reason for the death of my family. She tried to kill me many times, but I survived. Next time I see her, I will kill her – Katniss Everdeen.

I hear my cell door being unlocked. A tall guard, or more correctly a peacekeeper enters the door and goes toward my bed. I immediately notice something different. This isn't abnormal of course. A peacekeeper comes to give me my tiny portion of food every now and then. The unusual part is that there isn't a visible tray with him. But the more unusual thing is that I think I somehow know this peacekeeper.

When he reaches me in just a few hasty strides of his feet, he unshackles me from the bed. He seems to be in a hurry or something.

"Come on, hurry." I feel like I know this voice.

Once he realizes how confused and clueless I am to what he is suggesting, he says "I thought you were smarter than that Mellark." He takes off his peacekeeper helmet and I realize that I do know this person, _Gale._

When I see his face, I immediately feel the surge of hatred and surprisingly jealousy towards him. Towards the mutt's boyfriend, the person who she favored over me. I don't know why I even care who _she_ favors, but what I do know is that I have the urge to kill. The urge to kill him because I know I hate him even if there for reasons that I can't quite place.

I lunge ferociously at him and he only has the chance to get out a "What the.…" before I slam him against the wall behind him. He struggles but in my mind, I know that he also has the desire to kill me as much as she does and the fear of getting killed fuels my adrenaline.

I vaguely hear some shouts of unfamiliar voices coming from behind me. I just barely have time to land a decent punch to Gale's nose when I get a hard blow to my head from behind me and pass out. I enter a state of unconsciousness and my mind just floats into oblivion.

_What's happening? Why can't I feel any parts of my body? I need to kill Gale yet why do I feel the tiniest bit of relief that I didn't end up killing him even after knowing that he'd kill me the first chance he'd get?_

**(Again, sorry for the long wait. Please please please review or PM me. I really need your opinion on the story so far and also the writing. I know I'm not that good at writing. So please review - **_**Adri)**_


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